He actually got back in the early hours of Friday morning, which was certainly a few days sooner than I expected. We're taking a break for now, both of us will be back blogging in the near future.
It is unbelievably good to have him home again.
[This post was written in two parts, one at around 2.30pm and the other at the time of posting]
Watch your baby sleeping and wonder how he managed to grow into such a big boy so fast? Mikey will be 2 at the end of September, last night he slept from light until light (9pm to 5am) but I stayed up until midnight expecting him to wake before I went to sleep like he usually does. I laid in bed and it took me a long time to fall asleep without him wriggling next to me and looking at his gorgeous little sleeping face. Weird huh? I considered going into his room to sneakily peek at him, but thought better of it.
He is napping right now and has been asleep from midday... it's now gone 3pm. He woke up briefly to the loud noise of the highschoolers playing music down the road from us but looked over at me laying on the bed reading a book and slowly closed his eyes again and fell back to sleep. This is a fairly recent achievement, he can now usually fall asleep without any intervention from me, just so long as he can see me.
***
I started reading Sophie's World again. I was given this book by an old teacher when I was 11 years old. It is a long book for an 11 year old but I read it from cover to cover and loved it. I read it again at 16 and now I am reading it for the third time at 23. This time around I am still enjoying it as an easy read but I am starting to find it lacking deeper thought, so much so that I very nearly paid $14 for a copy of Plato's dialogues at the PX. Thankfully I realised the error of paying that much for what was very probably a bad translation in the first place, I will have to be satisfied with the philosophy books that I already own. Perhaps it is time to give those a re-read.
The reason I mention the book, is that it strikes me as an unusual book to give to an 11 year old. How did my teacher know that it would be so perfect for me? Perhaps it was just an educated guess, I was quite the avid reader and the same teacher also gave me a copy of Dickens' David Copperfield as a prize for writing what she told me was an absolutely wonderful first person narrative (That must have also been at age 11 or so). As it goes, my teacher was either absolutely right about me and what I would enjoy reading, or she had a strong hand in shaping the future of my thought and perception. What a wonderful thing it must be to be a teacher and have that kind of impact. I half wish I still knew her or at least knew her address so that I could write to her. Part of the reason that I think I would like to be a librarian is so that I could do something like that. It only needs to be small things that make an impact on people's lives.
At the moment I just feel as though I am wishing time away. Deployment is nearly over and the last part is proving more difficult than every other part. Mikey is keeping me good company with his newly learned trick of leaning in really close for a kiss on the nose. It's cute, but sometimes he overdoes it and headbutts me in the face.
I've started and abandoned several blog posts in the past few days. Spewing out negativity as always, complaining about neighbours, noise, smoke from grills. I'm like an old lady or something.
Rare is the occasion that Mikey plays quietly with his toys, giving me the chance to sit and write. Normally it is reserved for when he is in bed, thoughts snatched between his various wakings throughout the night. I find that I have trouble sleeping now, it never used to be a problem, but even when he is sleeping it takes me a good 30 minutes or more to drift off no matter how exhausted I am.
But he is playing quietly now. I'm listening to a Cat Power covers record, the windows are all open and the fresh air is flowing through the house. It's a beautiful day outside too, I think we're going to go and play in the playground a bit later.
Weekends are the worst time during a deployment. There's something lonely about seeing all of the other soldiers home with their families, when mine is not. Or seeing the dads outside in the playground with their kids. On weekends I just want to hibernate until he is home. I always think I'm doing very well until Saturday morning arrives.
I am sick of this blog layout. I suppose I should spend this evening updating my code, I have some idea in mind although I'm certainly rusty at best with this coding malarkey. We'll see.
I spoke to the neighbours on Monday and they were surprisingly understanding. Hopefully they'll be just as understanding after a weeks worth of crying nights.
It's thursday and he is still waking every 2 hours and crying. He is crying right now and I'm wearing earplugs. I am exhausted, he is exhausted. I wont wear earplugs while I sleep though because I'm terrified that he will hurt himself or something and I wouldn't hear him. He's quite the climber and I am just waiting for the day or night when he realises he can climb out of his crib. So I keep waking up and having to listen to him cry every 2 hours or so throughout the night.
We visited the pediatrician today to rule out any medical causes for night waking. She gave him a clean bill of health and told me to continue what I have been doing. So I am, on our 4th night of crying. I feel so awful that this is the only thing left I can do. Urgh, it tears my heart right up.
Aside from this sleep thing everything else is going well in life. I have been getting a whole load of exercise, walking pretty much everywhere. Mikey has a very cute new found love of dogs, every time we see one he says "ooooo" in a cute little voice and will stare at it and sometimes wave. He got to pet a 6 month old St Bernard a few days ago while we were out walking and he thought it was awesome!
He also loves to watch the trains when we walk along a path that takes us by the tracks. His favourites are the really long red ones!
Tonight we started an extra long and lovely bedtime routine. I used to show him videos of his daddy, then nurse him then put him in his bed. His pediatrician suggested an hour long calming routine. So we ate dinner, we played quietly with a puzzle. Then we had a nice bath (where he splashed around and managed to soak both me and the bath mat) and got into jammies. Then watched videos of daddy, drank some camomile tea, sang some nursery rhymes and read 2 books. Finally nursed and put him in bed.
It was lovely singing and reading the books with him. He cuddled up with me and laid his head on my chest while I sang and read to him, which is something he doesn't normally do at all. He's normally a very wriggly little boy!
*sigh* and now it's early to bed for me. Fingers crossed that Mikey sleeps for at least a 4 hour stretch. That would be heaven.
I know I'm late for lent by a mere 2 days, but here is what I am doing. Not just for lent but for the rest of my days.
I am cutting down my coffee intake to a maximum of 2 cups per day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I will be using my cafetiere/french press to make my coffee because it only makes one cup, unlike my filter coffee maker which makes about a bazillion cups. I will not be giving it up because truth be told I just love the taste of coffee, I do not like decaf either so I can't go that way.
I am cutting down my intake of chocolate. I'm not sure that I even dare admit how much of the stuff I consume on a regular basis. Let's just say that family sized bars aren't just for families.
I will drink more water. I drink nowhere near enough, in fact I can't remember the last time I actually just had a glass of water. I will also take my vitamins every day instead of just when I'm feeling a bit gross. I will eat better.
Here is the big one.
I am going to quit smoking.
There, I put it out into the world (in bold type no less) so now I have to do it or face terrible embarrassment. I have tried before and the longest I have been successful was 6 months. That's all I really want to say about it because we all know it's gross, will kill me and give my son asthma, or worse (if it hasn't already).
I'll no doubt keep you updated. I haven't set a quit date yet but I am using this website.
Raidhyn being deployed has given me a lot of time to reflect and reassess different parts of my life. There are things I need to fix in the coming months and things that I would like to stay just as they are. It's all internal, this inherent dissatisfaction I have with myself. When one thing is "fixed" another "problem" appears and although it is always good to hope and strive for more there is something to be said about being satisfied with what you already have.
I spend too much time reading parenting books and not enough time actually parenting. I pay more attention to what I put on my body than to what I put into my body. I devote too much time to anger and not enough to calm and reason. I spend more time thinking abut what I want to be "when I grow up" and not enough time "growing up". These are things that I can and will fix.
This has been too much thinking for one day. I'm going to go enjoy a nice glass of water.
Ok I'm done with this snow now. Spring please?
Snow fell a few days ago, then it rained on top and then it snowed again. Then it rained again. So it's this slippery sort of frozen snow, blergh. Yesterday I tried walking to the Shopping centre only to find the route impassable with the stroller, well that was after I'd already gone halfway.
I'm getting into the swing of this being alone thing now I think. Days at home are less frustrating, Mikey is improving for sure. He's still not sleeping well but at least he isn't crying all the time right? He has also taken a few more steps, not for me but to show off to other people! He still wont do it for me, I'm boring apparently and there's no need to show off to me!
Payday is looming and I have plans for the house. Curtains being the main thing.
This is the fabric I have in mind for curtains -
The greyish one. I am also kind of in love with this as wall decoration or a throw for one of our chairs -
But I'm not sure that my husband would approve. (Honey, you can comment and tell me what you think, LOL)
Now I just need to get out to Ikea and grab some.
My first commissary trip without my husband. No one to watch Mikey so I can go alone, no one to help me up the stairs to our apartment with the groceries or watch Mikey while I do so. Unfortunately the only time we can go is after 5pm... (the only time I can get a ride there as I don't drive) so he'll be getting cranky too as he goes to bed at 7pm.
Normally I just walk to the German supermarket down the road, but the weather is horrible and we NEED milk etc.
I can tell this is going to be very interesting. Wish me luck.
Oh and also, I'm reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Pulitzer Prize winner (last year I think?) I am enjoying it immensely.
So here it is.
I've been busying myself with decorating plans for the apartment. It's been a cluttered "box" of an apartment for too long. I'm going to get some real curtains up in all of the rooms and hopefully some carpet remnants (if I can find somewhere that sells them over here) so that our neighbours stop complaining about our noise.
I'm thinking about painting one wall of the livingroom a dark grey, but I'm not sure yet. It depends on how the place looks once I finally get curtains up and art on the walls. I need to get rid of the echoes in the bedrooms too, I thought that it would get better once we had furniture in there but it hasn't.
Speaking of art, I totally need to look into getting some paints and canvas. I'm not about to go out and buy "art" when I can do it myself. I have some ideas tucked away.
Mikey boo misses his daddy. I'm doing ok for the most part. I've lived on my own before so I know the drill to some extent. Dealing with Mikey is the real problem I face at the moment. It doesn't help that he's getting 2 molars in and I think he's constipated too, poor baby. He gets all excited every time he hears our neighbours door because he thinks it's his daddy coming through our door.
He's stopped sleeping again. It now takes me about an hour to get him to bed at night and he started waking up at stupid hours again. I attempted to retrain him to sleep but got complaints from the people who live below us. Funny how they wait until my husband is gone before complaining, they didn't say a word when we sleep trained him the first time. The man even had the audacity to tell me that I should spank Mikey for waking up... um how about no? Now I have nothing against spanking when children are naughty (when I say naughty I'm meaning in the more extreme circumstances when no other repremand is having an effect) however waking up at night because his teeth and tummy hurt and he misses his daddy doesn't really meet the critera for a spanking. Sorry, I guess that makes me a terrible parent with an out of control child.
I find it a little odd that this man seems to think that spanking him will make him stop crying... I've generally found it to have the opposite effect. I guess he must mean that I should brutally beat my son into submission, that's fantastic parenting advice. I wonder if that's why his own kids are eerily quiet? Urgh, enough about him... he has annoyed me enough this week.
It snowed again this week. It was absolutely beautiful when I woke up yesterday morning, Mikey and I went out to play. He hasn't ever touched snow before and he was looking out the window all excited so I couldn't resist.
The local kids built an enormous snowman. It was so huge one of the dads had to get a plank of wood to be able to roll the head up onto the body. It's sitting in the playground outside my window and it looks totally awesome.
Unfortunately, due to having no one to talk to in the evenings I have become re-addicted to watching desperate housewives. And that's what I'm going to go watch now. Good night.
Things have been pretty hectic around the house lately. Raidhyn is getting ready for deployment, lots of shiny new army gear for him to play with. I'm making a vague attempt to organise myself to be able to essentially make the transition to "single mom" for 6 months. However I'm not very good at being organised.
Raidhyn will be away next week for training, then we have 1 week of leave to spend together before he leaves. Maaaaaaaan.... I guess I'm just in denial or something. I've been reading a lot of deployment related literature online. You know what sucks? Searching for stuff related to military marriage and deployment brings up all of the forum posts, blogs etc about nasty husbands and wives cheating on one another during deployment. I don't want to read that shit thanks. Urgh, seriously.
In other news, the Mikey monster is getting freakin' molars. He has 3 now and another on its way up. Wow, he's angry about it too, his gums are all swollen and look painful so I'm not suprised. But despite the anger, we've had some cute moments. Still no walking, he's doing it on purpose now I'm sure. He'll stand up, and he has such a nice straight back when he stands, I'll hold out my hands for him to hold and he'll shake his head and say "Uh", which I guess means no. Then he'll craw away giggling.
Or if I actually managed to get him to hold my hands he'll get what we like to call "Jelly Legs", and will just refuse to stand up altogether.
He is however enjoying his newly found skill of climbing. I'm just waiting until he works out how to climb out of his crib. His favourite game at the moment seems to be "I'm gonna get you". Which involves me saying "I'm gonna get you" and him crawling away at top speed to close the door behind him before trying to hide on the bed in my bedroom. He'll then roll around on the bed giggling and trying to throw pillows at me until I "get him". Then I take him back to the livingroom and we start all over. It's cute, but tiring after the 50th time or so. I don't know where he gets the energy, I'm embarrassed to say that I sometimes have trouble catching him. He crawls so fast now that he's worn holes in the knees of some of his pajamas, I half expect him to set on fire from the friction.
Messing up the newly made bed after "helping" me clean the bedroom. You can see the floor now!
Look at that cheeky mister. He can soooo walk. I bet he runs around when I'm not looking. And wow, he looks so old in that one. Weird.
And after a hard days work there's nothing better than snuggling up with your favourite.... guitar.
That's actually his very own nylon stringed guitar, he got it for Christmas after he hurt his hands playing with daddy's metal stringed guitar.
Today we were looking at some of his photos from after he was born. I still can't believe how small he was and how huge he has grown in just over a year.
In the NICU... A day or so after birth. 4lbs 6oz.
Just over a month old... he he hadn't been home from the hospital for long. He was about 5lbs here I think. Look at those little hands.
And I had to put that one in because it's my favourite picture of him ever. He looks like such an angel, it's difficult to believe what a horrible colicky baby he was! haha.
Ok I'm done being nostalgic now.
We got word on Monday that Raidhyn will be deploying in 4 weeks.
Honestly, we have the most extreme luck in the entire world ever. Nothing normal ever seems to go down in this house. Our luck can be amazingly good, or disgustingly bad but never in between.
Our luck can sometimes seem bad, but in actual fact turn out to be amazing.
The latter is the case here.
It sucks that he's going to be gone, but we're military and it comes with the territory. We managed to get away with him not deploying for the first 2 years of our marriage. He was able to be here for the birth, NICU hospitalisation and first year and a half(ish) of our son's life. I wouldn't have been able to do that without him.
At least he's going to Iraq and not Afghanistan. He's only going to be gone for half a tour as the unit he will be providing PA support for has already done half a tour. So that's 6 months instead of 12. That is amazing and I'm truly thankful for it. It's funny how something that would truly suck for a non-military couple seems like such good luck to us. I know so many military couples have it a lot harder than we have.
So now I guess I have to step up and get ready to transition to single parent mode for 6 months. I can no longer get away with being such a recluse because, as much as I try to deny it, I will need adult contact. I will have no one when he is gone. That's sort of scary for me. I mean, I'll have to make myself talk to people I don't know... strangers... eep! The dreaded playgroups I mentioned in an earlier post? Yeap, I'm going to have to go to them.
And just as I started to get to grips with his work camera he will be taking it with him. Gah!
But you know what? Oh yeah, I'm keeping the Wii. And the Xbox.
And I'll finally have a clean house. Maybe.
