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Quitter

I know I'm late for lent by a mere 2 days, but here is what I am doing. Not just for lent but for the rest of my days.

I am cutting down my coffee intake to a maximum of 2 cups per day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I will be using my cafetiere/french press to make my coffee because it only makes one cup, unlike my filter coffee maker which makes about a bazillion cups. I will not be giving it up because truth be told I just love the taste of coffee, I do not like decaf either so I can't go that way.

I am cutting down my intake of chocolate. I'm not sure that I even dare admit how much of the stuff I consume on a regular basis. Let's just say that family sized bars aren't just for families.

I will drink more water. I drink nowhere near enough, in fact I can't remember the last time I actually just had a glass of water. I will also take my vitamins every day instead of just when I'm feeling a bit gross. I will eat better.

Here is the big one.

I am going to quit smoking.

There, I put it out into the world (in bold type no less) so now I have to do it or face terrible embarrassment. I have tried before and the longest I have been successful was 6 months. That's all I really want to say about it because we all know it's gross, will kill me and give my son asthma, or worse (if it hasn't already).

I'll no doubt keep you updated. I haven't set a quit date yet but I am using this website.


Raidhyn being deployed has given me a lot of time to reflect and reassess different parts of my life. There are things I need to fix in the coming months and things that I would like to stay just as they are. It's all internal, this inherent dissatisfaction I have with myself. When one thing is "fixed" another "problem" appears and although it is always good to hope and strive for more there is something to be said about being satisfied with what you already have.

I spend too much time reading parenting books and not enough time actually parenting. I pay more attention to what I put on my body than to what I put into my body. I devote too much time to anger and not enough to calm and reason. I spend more time thinking abut what I want to be "when I grow up" and not enough time "growing up". These are things that I can and will fix.

This has been too much thinking for one day. I'm going to go enjoy a nice glass of water.

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I am a 24 year old British stay at home mother to a two year old boy. Married to a U.S. soldier and currently living in Germany.

I have seen the Vatican from the very top of St Peter's Basilica, the mud in the World War I trenches outside Ypres. I have walked through Montmartre side streets bustling with people in the evening, gotten lost in the streets of Greenwich Village NYC, run through cornfields on the Welsh border and sat outside with a cup of tea watching fireflies in the fields of the outer Chicago suburbs.

I have held the hands of others through addiction, fear, suicide, despair and come out the other side. I have left everything behind to begin anew.
I have fought mental illness and walked through snow in the mountains of the lake district, England. I have explored the morgue in the bowels of an abandoned hospital on a summer evening, climbed to the top of scaffolding on the outside of a five floor warehouse to look at the city lights of Nottingham at night and I have watched the sun setting on the Texas horizon.

I have held my son's tiny hand through the plastic window on an isolette in the NICU ward. Walked, speaking only in whispers, through the catacombs beneath the ground on the outskirts of Rome and seen the fireworks over Heidelberg castle.

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