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Calm


For the past few days I have been taking omega 3 supplements (flaxseed oil). In addition to OCD, I am also a compulsive skin picker. My skin is a wreck most of the time from constantly touching and picking at it. It is the first thing that my behavioural therapist is addressing, we figured that if I could try and pick less for a week then my skin would improve and I'd find less to pick at in the first place. The flaxseed oil is to help my skin condition, so that it will heal more quickly. In order to lessen my picking I am forbidden to stand close to any mirrors, I have to put band aids on my index fingers over the fingernail. My husband also has permission to scold me for picking and last night he held my hand while we were watching TV so that I couldn't use it to pick at my skin. I have a chart that I have to write on every time I pick my skin for longer than 15 minutes at a time.

It seems to be going well so far. I started on Friday and although a lot of my skin hasn't yet healed I can see a marked improvement which is really encouraging. I even have a bug bite on my finger that I haven't yet picked, although it is driving me crazy.

I have been looking into Buddhist philosophy for help with my obsessive thoughts and rumination. Mindfulness Meditation is something that can be used to help combat OCD thoughts, it is something that I am going to start doing alongside my therapy so I will see if it helps. I have also been looking into Hatha and Kundalini yoga to help. It all sounds a bit silly and "New Age" which is something I'm really not particularly into, but if it helps to control these thoughts then it helps and I'm not going to argue with that.

I mentioned before that for my birthday we will be decorating our master bedroom (finally). I've sort of picked a "theme" for it. I'm planning on having dark furniture to match our current bed, with white bedsheets, curtains etc and then maybe a few subtle coloured accessories. The bedroom gets a lot of light and I want to keep it light and airy. Then it will also be a good place for me to do this yoga and meditation stuff and just relax in general. The original idea was for me to turn the spare room into an art/photography/yoga studio. I might still do that but at the moment it is where we store our junk, perhaps I can turn the upstairs maid quarters room into a studio instead, I haven't even been up there yet and we've lived here over a year. Actually, you know, that isn't a bad idea.

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I am a 24 year old British stay at home mother to a two year old boy. Married to a U.S. soldier and currently living in Germany.

I have seen the Vatican from the very top of St Peter's Basilica, the mud in the World War I trenches outside Ypres. I have walked through Montmartre side streets bustling with people in the evening, gotten lost in the streets of Greenwich Village NYC, run through cornfields on the Welsh border and sat outside with a cup of tea watching fireflies in the fields of the outer Chicago suburbs.

I have held the hands of others through addiction, fear, suicide, despair and come out the other side. I have left everything behind to begin anew.
I have fought mental illness and walked through snow in the mountains of the lake district, England. I have explored the morgue in the bowels of an abandoned hospital on a summer evening, climbed to the top of scaffolding on the outside of a five floor warehouse to look at the city lights of Nottingham at night and I have watched the sun setting on the Texas horizon.

I have held my son's tiny hand through the plastic window on an isolette in the NICU ward. Walked, speaking only in whispers, through the catacombs beneath the ground on the outskirts of Rome and seen the fireworks over Heidelberg castle.

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