mother and baby groups - a confession

Mother and baby groups. Honestly, the very thought of it scares the shit out of me.

Sometimes I think to myself "Oh wouldn't it be lovely, I could take Mikey to play and then I could meet new people." I even sometimes mention it to my husband, who will generally smile knowingly and say something like "Yes dear".

Then realisation sets in, I hate meeting new people. A shudder of fear goes through my body. "Yes Dear" indeed.

I hate meeting new people even more now that I have a kid. What must other mothers think of my clothes, piercings, my "I'm too cool to speak to you, asshole" demeanor? They probably don't give a shit, but they do in my mind. In my mind I'm TheWorstMotherEver™ and everyone can see me for what I am. And honestly, I hate the "Ohh look what my kid can do" mothers, who are on top of their kids every second, micromanaging (and of course looking around to check everyone can see what a great mother they are). Sure it's great and all that your kid can do this awesome stuff and admittedly I'm a little jealous, but being able to read, walk and talk as soon as you exit the womb isn't really that important in the scheme of things is it? Plus my kid knows how to turn on the Xbox controller, that's a skill right?

If I wanted to stay and play with my kid I would do it at home where I didn't have to deal with other people. I want somewhere I can leave my kid and not have to stay. I want to go and do something alone (like I don't know, pee alone without a child hanging from my leg?).

Should I do it for him? Am I mean for not taking him to playgroup because I don't want to go? I don't think so, he couldn't care less if there were other kids nearby when he's playing. When he's old enough to walk I'll take him to the park, he can play with other kids to his hearts content while I sit and finally have peace to read a book.

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