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Sunday Reflections

I'm up early again, this seems to be a reoccurring theme.  I got up at 5am and it's now around 6.15, I like how quiet it is at this time of day.

I find it odd the way that my OCD works. When you think of someone with the condition you imagine an immaculate house, someone who is obsessive about germs and cleaning, things being orderly and tidy. That is just not the case for me at all.

In early January I forgot to get a refill on my meds and by about day three I devolved back into a mess, complete with withdrawal symptoms on top of that. The house was in a real state, I didn't cook, I didn't really do anything except stew in obsessive thoughts for hours.

I finally went and got a refill and things returned to normal with a vengeance. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, even the bedrooms which I hate doing, and started a whole slew of different creative projects.

I'm currently in the middle of knitting a soft toy rabbit for Mikey, nearly finished it! I have some beautiful new yarn in queue for other knitting projects that I'm really looking forward to starting. I have designs drawn up for a bookshelf for Mikey's books, I'm so sick of picking them up off of the floor! I have a design drawn up for an applique window seat cover for Mikey's bedroom. I've got a skirt sewing pattern that I drew up, waiting for some lovely fabric to fall into my arms and onto my sewing machine.

I mentioned my cooking list in the last blog post, I've got some new dishes and things for taking food photographs and have grand ideas for a studio set-up in the spare room to house all of these projects. At the moment they're spread over various portions of the house and the spare room is doing nothing whatsoever. Scouring the newspaper for old desks to use and things like that! I've also been a lot more creative with my actual cooking, making things up as I go along (with the help of my flavour bible) and having a great time of it all.

Mikey has been loving the snow, we keep going out to play in it and he loves nothing more than to just stomp through it in his boots! Shame it's raining now and the snow is melting away.

But despite the somewhat shaky, un-medicated start of 2010 things seem to be settling down into a wonderful rhythm.

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I am a 24 year old British stay at home mother to a two year old boy. Married to a U.S. soldier and currently living in Germany.

I have seen the Vatican from the very top of St Peter's Basilica, the mud in the World War I trenches outside Ypres. I have walked through Montmartre side streets bustling with people in the evening, gotten lost in the streets of Greenwich Village NYC, run through cornfields on the Welsh border and sat outside with a cup of tea watching fireflies in the fields of the outer Chicago suburbs.

I have held the hands of others through addiction, fear, suicide, despair and come out the other side. I have left everything behind to begin anew.
I have fought mental illness and walked through snow in the mountains of the lake district, England. I have explored the morgue in the bowels of an abandoned hospital on a summer evening, climbed to the top of scaffolding on the outside of a five floor warehouse to look at the city lights of Nottingham at night and I have watched the sun setting on the Texas horizon.

I have held my son's tiny hand through the plastic window on an isolette in the NICU ward. Walked, speaking only in whispers, through the catacombs beneath the ground on the outskirts of Rome and seen the fireworks over Heidelberg castle.