Dear So and So

Dear Weather

Thank you thankyouthankyou! When I was beginning to fear all was lost and that someone would find me melted into a puddle on the kitchen floor, you really came through for me. Now if you could just keep this up until my birthday in 2 weeks it would be perfect. You can skip the rain part though, the cool breeze is all I need.

with great gratitude
S.


Dear Mikey

I know that your shoes are really exciting. I know that even the mere utterance of the word "shoes" sends you into an indescribable frenzy of joy. I know the word "shoes" means that you get to go outside and play. But seriously, when I ask you to sit down to put them on could you not do the 10 minute dance of joy? And the running around the house screaming for 15 minutes so that I can't catch you? It's cute and all, but if you would just sit down then we could get outside and play much faster (plus it must drive the neighbours insane).

While I'm at it, it is cute that you can find "yuckies" on the floor, say "ewwwwww" and then bring them to me. However I can't help but think that you're trying to make some sort of point about my apparent lack of cleaning skills.

P.S. I still think it was totally cute that you kissed your grandad on the webcam. Asking yourself for a kiss in the mirror and then doing it seems a little narcissistic though...

love from mummy.



Dear Playstation

Could you spare my husband for one night? Pretty please? You know he's cheating on you with the Xbox, right?


from "the other woman"



Dear Lighting Fixtures

I can see your cobwebs from here, have some decency.

disgustedly yours
S.



Dear meds

You mean to say I can't have one glass of wine at night on this dosage without feeling TERRIBLE the next day? You're really killing me here.

loads of love from
S. (who would really like a nice glass of wine about now)




Dear body

You're getting a bit too confident about that weight you lost earlier in the year. Sure you can fit into a US size 6 now but it doesn't mean you can get away with eating a whole family sized bar of chocolate in one sitting, nor does it mean that you don't have to carry on exercising. Your thighs still wobble. Stop being so lazy.

love from your owner